My ramblings....: July 2006

Monday, July 31, 2006

Young Woman

The street lights bow their heads
Lining the way to say goodbye
If tears could fall from their lantern eyes
With you they too would cry

Your headcovering doesn't cover your countenence my dear
Her arm around your shoulder doesn't hide your soul
Your face tells of your saddness, it drips the pain
Whatever your heartbreak, it mirrors in the rain

A Progreso

And there were questions
Maybe I shouldn't have asked
They made your face red
Made you hang your head

But now I know
You're not the type
To be afraid
Of the mistakes you've made
NowI think
I could fall in love

No More Electricity!!

Stepping around the wreckage
Broken glass slung across the slats
I left one out for you to step on
One for you to forget your pain on
The dirt still scattered and blowing away
Their seeds had fallen on a trail of stone
Their house overturned
Where could they go
I stood it upright and gave them food
And stood upon the grass
The wind still chilled
And clouds on clouds of grey blue mass
Then a second
The earth paused, as with my life
And an orange winged creature settled on the lawn
Oh beauty, oh sunshine, oh where do you go
I'm thinking so much I need you much nearer
As I realize the grey isn't getting any clearer
The pause and the light they fill my mind
No more electricity

Sun and Rain Hold Hands

It's so cliche
Everyone does it that way
So turn around

It's so redundant
That feeling
Move away

It's so wrenching
Of the heart
Stop it

It's much harder
Than expected
Much harder
Than planned
But I guess
I saw it coming
It was my choice
To finally
Let go
I said
It was worth
A few moments
Of sunshine
For a few moments
Of rain
But the rain
Always seems
A few moments
Too long
While the same
For the sun
Too short
Too short
And gone

Friday, July 28, 2006

Flowers and Trees

Catching the wind with a cup of her hand
Cooling the night buzz with sweet inspiration
A touch of enough to send her over the top
This isn't enough, this is so heavy
Bring it to the table and lay it down hard
She is suffering from too much of nothing
Her frown lines will wrinkle and smile forever fade
Just another tired woman with her eyes to the ground
All her intricate details, undiscovered, untouched
Search for a slight of hope before it's too late
Because she buried all chance
A second too soon
And under the darkness and scars
She will find the blockades and stop signs
The netting and locked doors
The questions and frustration
And finally she will discover
The innocent, the new
The fresh, the blatent
The tender and limitless
And in outer space like fashion
She slowly floats away
To a new oddesey
A breathtaking sunrise
A rainbow before the rain
She never knew those exsisted
It is slow and pronounced
And from a speckled horizon
She sees moment after moment
And in person after person
From the golden to the red
She finds love after love
She holds it all in the section
A clipping from a page
Posted on her previous dump site
Her garbage and distress
After it has melted and frayed
It rips and tears til nothing is to be seen
Except her love for the great wide open
Flowers and Trees.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

I Stood Still

After that everything seems a little dull
I'm a little light headed
And the explosions are a bit brighter

After that I'm working a little harder
To keep up my guard and be afraid
I've lost some inhibitions

After that I've tried to figure out
Another way that standing still
Is suddenly so sweet

Dreams

As for these dreams which fall across our broken slate of a mind, etched across the shingles and pieces, preparing for the dawn and shallow awakening; they are like meaningless feathers, floating and flying across our conciousness and deepest chasms of disbelief, briefly touching the walls of our state and leaving their faint impressions to be remembered by. Whether or not they carry any slivers of truth, a shaft of light from behind a glimmering cloud, or merely entertanings of the imagination, it seems we will never know.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Rays

If I could tell you with the certainty of the time
I would
I'm sorry for the misconceptions
If you truly knew how I perceive you

Right now I can only sit back and watch
Observing the beauty that is before me
I have learned not to run
But to be content in the evening

Because I would be stupid not to enjoy it
With the fears and what if's running in
To enjoy the heat and the clouds and the dim
And just enjoy you

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

STARTED AS A Really Crappy Poem About My Life At The Moment FINISHED AS Cry To God

I have all these words in my head
These songs in my soul
All this love built up
With nowhere to go
I'm sleep deprived
And underpaid
I'm doubtfull of compliments
And so, so afraid
I can't take crowds
They make me small
I can take sarcasm
I'm always prepared for the fall
I almost always hold back
When I want to give in
I just want to flow on
But it's too late to begin
I'm working hard for something
I can't wait til it's done
I'm moving on from nothing
And it's ruining my heart

But God help me now
All my mistakes
All my life dreams
All my fears
Oh God I'm afraid
And absolutely thrilled
There's a tiny piece that's breaking
But you are in control
God I live my life for you
I take my steps for you
Please hold me together
Even the fly-aways
The things I don't know God
Don't understand
Your timing
Your plan
I live in a beautiful world
I want to drink it all in
Immersed in the creation
So completely absorbed

But here in these moments
When I take a step back
When it's dark and quiet
And I'm not fully awake
When my thouhts are confused
With shadows on the walls
Take those too God
I need you there too

I need you for energy
For strength and a smile
I'm just a young girl
Sometimes out of control
Sometimes I don't want to love
I don't want to show your love
Or I do but it's too hard
I just want to walk away
I need you then
I need you when I'm foolish
And that's a lot
Most of the time
I need you to whisper
Tell me secrets of life
Give me truth and wisdom
I need you then
I need you when I'm happy
To celebrate with you
To give thanks and joy to you
To just see you
I need you to keep me safe
When I'm overwhelmed
I need you to care for my heart
Because I sure can't
I especially need you then
It's the hardest part
I need you God

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Small Town Nova Scotia

He only stuck around because he had no where else to go
A lazy man with an auburn bride
She was prettier as a child, now she's a closet addict
To anti-depresents and talk show hosts
He works as a grocer and keeps magazines in the drawer
She knows they're there, but would rather pretend she's blind
Their children throw rocks in their search for love
Building walls and selling their bodies
Who would take this girl with a deformed soul
Who would hold such a disfunctional body
With a mother who hides behind her chain smoke
And a father who's eyes are glazed

Monday, July 17, 2006

Cat

Maddly maddly maddly
Wish my dreams away
Fall with the raindrops
Shimmer and fray
Control of a motion
Loss of control
To question devotion
Fall to the floor
Think of an answer
Search for a smile
Talk about nothing
Worthwhile

By Christa

It's just always been there, but never happened
So finally you have what you always wanted
But you can only have a taste

Run Run Run

red trees under the street light haze most things will flood and fade so if i stand here very still will you move this forword and set a pace and like my way of life it's fairly touch and go or at least i like to pretend it's that way but really it's all or nothing though i'm in a place of change right now like the stars turn around as will my view and i'm trying to find a new way of holding on to you it's called this door wont close but you'll have to pull hard like remember the time i said i left my heart in your car well that's still true but im trying to find it no i'm trying to hide the fact that i forgot it there and even though i'm so torn because i'd truely like to be closer to your beautiful face i'm finding myself a couple steps away maybe because im afraid but also because i know here is safe

Sunday, July 16, 2006

A Dark Man (...Said...)

And every endless airy whisper
That you give to all your friends
Are but gutteral exhaling
That carry sickening secrets from deep within

If they could read between your eyes
Between the lines, that spot atop your nose
They would discover mystery's arrow
How to place the impressioning tip exactly where it goes

Oh but can you not find the dark rose
That condesending point of interest
That you hide but know is there
And is scattered about until your thoughts are repressed

So bring forth the deathly morning
It is still dark, and they do not see the yellow beneath your chin
And once again hold out on being yourself
And let the others begin

Oh This Heart, The Greatest Deciever

But amidst this all
If I could just find some time
To spend with you
And know simple truth
It would be well

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Alice

I have found myself in a wonderland
Unsure and not in control
You somehow seem to know all as it is
You somehow seem to have the upper hand
I'm trying to regain a concious confidance
But I feel it keep slipping away
You are the sun man
And you keep me warm
But I am burnt at a change of pace
I wish I could send messeges
In all these bottles I've collected
But the words either make me too big or too small
There are moments in time when I see you doubt me
You see me escaping, or walking another way
And like the cheshire cat you smile, yet all but fade away
I know I've lost some sort of hope,
Behind your eyes you say it
Even if the story ends
And I can see it in the waring minds
I'm curious, but I'd hate to know
I'd guess it, but I wish it wasn't how
It was because of me

Some Things Fade

Enemies of this island land
How do you make your living
Do you sell it off with the things you grow
Is it bartered for your wives

They will run, they will run to the sea
They will fly, they will scatter, they will flee
All that you prayed for, this freedom land
It will be yours by my hand

When you find yourself in these hills of sand
No water there to keep you company
You will wish there were flowers there
And then they will grow in the mirrors of your mind

They will dance, they will dance in their graves
Telling stories of the things they faced
All that their mothers told them was bravery
They will be eaten by the creatures of the deep

And after putting glasses on you finally see
Things aren't as clear as they appear
And after taking your clothes off you can breathe
Things aren't as cold as they seem

They will yell, they will jump from their chains
They are nothing but a surf, but a wave
All that they built up, their castles in the sand
All that is left is a footprint, and it fades

Monday, July 10, 2006

An After Thought Thought

I walk with you
Like I'm walking in rapids
They toss and spin
And I'm so dizzy
So up and down
I've called you a drug
And that's certainly what you are
I should stay away
But you're addicting
Especially when you get stronger
And it's not just me looking for you
No, you're finding me now
And it's driving me crazy
You know how many times I've made sure you were gone
Out of site out of mind
But now it's not just my fault
And you're the worst thing for me
In every single way
But after all we've been through
How do I say no?
You're so frustrating
You always have been, why am I surprised
But why now, when I gave you up
You throw me for a tailspin
But I guess that's just you

Part 5. There are way too many continuations to this.

A Couple Things

first

When I've put myself out there
Which I don't so often do
Opening up for friendship
An emotional tie...out on the line
And when the importance of this
So valuable you said
Well I decided to take you up on it
Give it a chance
But when I do
And with complete disregard
You just walk away
Like a slap in the face
You might as well have done it
So don't expect to be seeing me around
Because it may be a fault of mine
But I don't tend to try more than twice

second

At the end of the day
When I'm done and tired
The saddness sets in with the sleep
I'd rather be talking
Then writing right now
I'd rather be sure
Than flying right now
I'd rather be done
Than crying right now

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Bad Dreams

I realized when I woke up this morning
Missing you
After dreaming of a distance and a loss
That I am more far gone
Than planned
I can't say much
For all things shift and change
But I will say, this is one of those
That will take a little more time

Friday, July 07, 2006

Nuevo y Curioso

My sister she wont let me in
She's too tried for answers she can't even begin
My brother he wont look my way
He's too plastered behind all the traps he's laid

And if you would look at these feet
They are blistered and bruised, yes I've surely been beat
But if you'd take a chance at these eyes
You would see, I wont be satisfied

My house is a wreck not a home
It's been run down by living with someone who's so alone
My friends they always keep on my case
They tell me I'm just a simple disgrace

And if you would hold out my hands
Cracked and lined with age, never held by a man
But if you could search underneath my skin
You would find, I wont be satisfied

And it's nothing I can't hide
I wont pretend...
It's nothing I don't feel in all of me
You just wont see it there

Thursday, July 06, 2006

I Love This Earth

How do you fight back when you have no answers
Everyone wants to play the hero sometimes
And it's one breathless chance when you look to the sky
Because nobody, not one, can explain the still
The clouds are heaven's gold, swan's wings, ocean's surf
What can you say to break the truth
How can you dare be wrong
About something so gicantically perfect
So next time you stand amidst God's downpour
Your hands out stretched, laughing like a child
Drenched through to your skin
Remember you will be taken
Every piece inside, every knot you hold
It's gone...fallen to the ground, drained out into the puddles below
And the thunder and flashes that make you gasp
It's alright, they're worthy
You can be afraid
So let yourself be broken and give yourself up
Because when it comes down to it...barefeet bring you closer to earth

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

A Cooling of The Soul

Goodevening
To a cooling breeze
In the dusk heat
To greener trees
And a multishade sky
Of purple and grey
To a cover of cloud
As the sun fades
Oh grand array
Of colour and light
To stand amidst
Breathe it in

So I Lift My Voice...

As for being remembered, or long lasting
I'm nothing of the sort
I'm a moment, a breath, and I'm gone
But when I take a moment
To look to you
To spend time, immerse, and listen
Time is still
The wind blows softly, a messenger of your peace
I am looking upon eternity
A lifetime of sweet surrender and joy
This is my God
This is my father and greatest love
This is my presence of truth and calm
How did I get this?
A young girl like me?
How could I deserve to escape with you
To give you all my troubles and worries
And have you trade them for love
How do I get to take walks with you
Have coffee with you
Tell you my dreams and listen to your whispers
And for this, you died
How am I so blessed

Your beautiful artistry is my inspiration and exhilaration
Your strength so powerful it's to you I turn
And only by you will I survive
Even when I get so caught up in my life
So selfishly wrapped up in my business and stress
God I see you patiently waiting
I feel so foolish because I know you are all I need to keep me calm
To take away my anxiety and fears
God your blessings are overwhelming!
That you would show me your words
Whisper softly to my heart
You relieve my longings and answer my questions
I continue to learn
And will forever learn
You are so exciting and immense!
So deep and mysterious
My words fall short but I try my best
I love you!

Monday, July 03, 2006

A Small Explaination (Afterthought: Not So Small)

Why, how, and for whom I write:

First and most importantly, I write because God has given me a gift and a passion for writing.
It is how I express my feelings and thoughts, how I capture experiances and moments, how I tell stories, and how I try to show and relate the beauty that I see and feel around me.

I absolutely love to write, so I do it as often as I can. I usually write when I am talking to God because it is the way I have found I am most able to express how I feel and say what I want to say the best I can in these small human terms. I write when I feel emotional, whether happy, sad, meloncholy, confused, content, frustrated, whatever. I write when it's sunny outside, or when it's rainy, or grey, or snowy. I write about people I see. One of my favorite ways to write is imagining person or personality(who isn't real) and creating a story about them or how they feel. I write when I feel like singing or when I have something I like on the piano.

I write about family and my immence love for them. I write to God when I am so content with his blessings, or when I am crying out of hurt and confusion. I write about my friends and my care and musings about them. I write about myself and what I think of myself. And yes, I'm a real live 17 year old girl, I write about boys. When I like them, when I'm curious about them, when they bother me or hurt me. It's all there. To tell you the truth, the emotion I have the hardest time writing about is love, regarding anyone, because it's so huge and I never seem to have words good enough for it. Maybe someday.

I also highly enjoy reading other people's writings. From famous musicians to my own friends...it is so inspiring, I love when other people write.

I started blogging because I remember hearing somewhere that writing was like any other skill that took practise and the more you did it the better you got, so I decided I would practise. At first I gave myself a goal to write one thing a day...now I usually write a couple things every day just because I want to. Having everything on a blog gives me a chance to look back and revamp old writings, as well as see what was going on in my life at that time because this is basically a creatively written journal. It also gets my writings out there into the big scary internet, and I get the chance to have my writing critiqued by others.

So that is about myself and writing. This is now my 6th month of blogging and approximately my fourth year of writing. I am more passionate about it than ever and I hope that I will continue to grow in it. I encourage everyone to write because it is a very beautiful and I think native way of expressing things. And by native I mean it is subconciously familiar to us even if we don't know it.

Fin

Savannah

For a girl named Savannah
Lotus blossoms in her hair
Watched her for her beauty
Held her for her grace
You knew she wasn't simple
She wore crimson under lace

Oh Savannah, the lights are dimming for you
You look so sharp and you stand so tall
And they're all wondering who you'll choose

Savannah, under that midnight hue
There's something in your eyes that breaks their hearts
And you'll never tell

And in the backroom you tell lies
To the other girls, you send them crying
We never knew you had that evil side
Where was it hiding
And why do you think you could last this long
Don't you think you'll fall
All this will fall

Life and Love After Mass Destruction

We took one breathtaking leap to the edge of our seats
The sky began to fall apart in your eyes
I've seen vicious storms and I've seen torrential rains
But I've never seen an explosion quite this bright

And for a moment I lost you to the earth
It was dark and I forgot my own worth
But then a dazzling light filled my eyes
And now everything shines a little more bright

I found the shards of washed up glass
Piecing them together to create a mosaic of light
Something to illuminate the ways of the past
The way it was before this shimmering destruction

And why did you look back when they burnt it all
Don't know know you're a pillar of salt
And how can you expect me to hold you in
Your so delicate I can't even begin

After finding my way around the scattered remains
I was dusty and tired and weighed down by the load
Somehow you met me inbetween, a wreck like me
You really did look most beautiful then

I am nothing but outerwear
I will slowly rust and tear
But you are my glittering inside
So please don't hide

Once Upon a Monday Morning: The Third

Oh the breeze will take me away today
The clouds pulled like cotton
And the sun sharing its light with the grass
I feel like I'm by the sea
The sand warming my feet
My very favorite place on this blessed day
It is rest for my soul
So come with me today
You've blessed everything else
Let me feel your presence
A calming delight
I want to be quiet
And let all the other things fade
I'd like to listen and hear
The secrets you share
I want the joyful peace
I know you give

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Desolation

You took me from my native land
What am I now but a rock in your hand
As you stand ready to hurl me
At your coming Goliath

You took me from the earth I love
And consecrated me in the sky
How sacred am I with a crown on my head
But no mystery inside

You took me from my mothers womb
And made her stomach bare
You made her a widow, a prostitute, a begger
Now you have stolen her child

You took me from my fearsome ocean
From it's unmatched surf and wonderous tide
Now my tongue tastes sand and the smell of burnt grass
And my skin is parched and broken

You took me from my own body
Tossed off like the ashes of the dead
My spirit you sold for a thousand gold pieces
And my heart for a magic trick

My ramblings....