Stand
Oh la dee
I believe in love once again
I believe in freedom, yes I do
And dancing for no one but You
Course through my limbs and core
Expunging any ache or ailment that has taken up residance
For my body is weary and incapable to be clear
Fill my smile, let it explain You
When people see my face, let them find You
When I speak and serve and sing and am silent
I will do so as a hubmle defining of You
I believe in laughter once again
I believe in truth
All good things I see as an outflow of You
Let me love, oh let me be loved
Break my walls and ruin my pride
Help me stand tall, as only for You
I believe in wonder
I believe in awe
I believe in childlike delight
Friend
You have a deep passion for the things you love
And it radiates from your face
It draws me towards your soul
If only to feel a touch of the joy you create
Sometimes...uhhh you may want to skip this blog/rant.
I hate the way I feel and hope and dream and cry
Over this whole stupid thing
Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid
I can't say it enough, but it stays
UUGGHHBADKADSJBDJWBLAHHHH
I feel worn down by one thing only to be crashed into the next rock
And you wouldn't think it to be such an issue
But because of who I am (which instead, is why you should think I am beautiful) I continue to feel so unsettled and irritated and passionate about everything
I hate that I am waiting around for something that could be nothing
So waiting for nothing, and putting my heart into it?
That's a solid waste of my time
You're fired
I think you're beautiful and hidden
Here's the part of me that just wont let go
Because as much as I'll rant and rave and be utterly hurt
Something else refuses to give it up
This is either stupidity and stubborness
Or a blessing for you in the long run
I
Can
Not
Leave
Even
When
I
Want
To
Can I? It's twisted. It's my human downfall
I kind of want to throw things at the wall
Note: this is how it's ALWAYS been
And yet I hang on to any sliver of a chance
That's the worst part
The hope that the imagination may instill
AND ALSO I am so over listening to crap
Talking and talking and talking
And I don't even want to listen any more
Because it drains me and then when you talk to someone else it even drains me then because I feel simply turned against. Are you purposefull? Are you direct? Am I a drama queen? Quite possibly but when I can so easily mask the issues beneath then I choose now to reveal my colours. I have come to dislike time spent and I don't want to be Talked At any more. Never anything meaningfull...not even from your one sided conversation. I Don't Want Apart Of THat. If I can say no to anything I'll say no to that right now. I am lashing out from being tired and frustrated but maybe eventually it will come to a good solid sitting down and telling straight what I honestly feel. I should just hope all things would come to that end, though some more positively than others. Please, if you would listen you would see that I do care, or do you see and so that is why you have chosen me as victim. I could talk in circles and still be victim vs pittiful but I just want to get that out of the way. I have felt this way for a long time and I have delt with enough from the source itself. I don't need you to turn your back and walk all over it the same way you continuously walk all over me. I will deal with my own stray heart but I don't need you twisting it more. If only to help me let go well I don't need your help in this! All I feel is that bitterness and that deciet and that's just a load that I don't want to carry. If I could say right now I'm over it I would surely be lying, just as if I said I was trying it would also not be the truth. So leave me to my hopes and ambitions, and for once let me get a thought or a feeling in, as stupid as it may be, because I am COMPLETELY tired of listening to you and COMPLETELY tired of feeling this way and the mixture just does not go. Let me be you and you and feelings and feelings. I am not up to you anymore.
Baba Yaga, And Other Tall Tales
Since the world never did give in to foolish entities
All that was once strong fell apart in crumbling masses
Brought to their knees with nothing to hold to
Their trust in our faith merely shattered them in the end
It was a long time ago when the creatures of this earth were held high
Brought to the forefront in our minds for strength and wisdom
Peace and Life and finally Death, they held the doors for us
But they all were false, arranged by our imaginations
And though they hoped to reign, it was our free will that ended them
Goodbye mother and father, owl and snake and bear
Head to the forest baba and uncle
There you will stay until the end of the world
And though your exsistence is weak and uncared for
You still feel a drug of the power, trickling through your veins
For sometimes, at night, as the sun is tucked behind the blankets of ocean and hill
A story is told that echoes your name
And one more thought is with you filled
I Am Girl
Down for the count!
I thought about you and smiled!
Shoot shoot shoot!
i need You
my chest hurts
and im trying to find different ways to stop it
all i need is you
take away this pain in my shoulders and neck and stomach and soul
because i can't do anything worthwhile
fill me up as nothing else can
pour into me the love i so desperately desire
and need
i need you
Walking Through Walmart, Puking At Everyone
My heart beat so hard it made me sick to my stomach
I can't even look at faces anymore
I hate this, feeling like my arms could fall off
If I ever felt that again
I don't like the feelings without the passion
So I wont even try anymore
Even when it feels like I should be
Press through the heat when you feel it the most
I don't know how I'll come out the other side
But at least I'll be unscathed
3 4 5 6
The light begins to fade
Into the shallows and below
Taking with it the spark of day
Unwritten, the fingers of light
Are withered back into the sea
And all but night is left to revel
In its widestretched reign
And caught amidst the crevices
Of deeper, vicious things
Are remnants of the lingering day
That hold tight to every cling and sill
Desperate to their cause
But finally when the night grows still
Truly still, without breath or blemish
And the creatures have loosened their hold
Of any sort of beauty, still in shadow, undiscovered
Then the earth will die, for but a moment or two
To be awakened so soon by dawn
Oh Boy
So I will collect all the dust that falls from the sky
And drink in all the glances that I catch here and there
Nothing is definite
But everything is underway
That just seems to be the time and the place
And though I may not have a face or a name to put it to
I have a heart and as much as I may try
It's still out on my sleeve or the table or the floor
And I have a voice with which I can cry
Or shout or sing or scream or remind those have how greatly I have failed
And have chosen to get up on broken stilts and try to reach a little higher
I know some think I am foolish
I have counted you all apart
But somewhere deep inside something keeps telling me you'd be missing out
And that's consolation enough as I try to tear myself away
I can turn the world upside down with my words sometimes
And so softly that it may not even feel the disarray
And as it's trying to put itself back together from the confusion and chaos
It is still smiling at me sweetly like I did nothing at all
So count all these things, I hope on more than one hand
And I'll still love and laugh, and attempt to be on guard
I have nothing to fear, I know this, because it is Him that I serve
So if you see me humming, it is a breathless melody
There are no more count downs, merely passages day by day
Where am I going, He will direct me
Help me not be afraid
Hold out hope
Keep me strong
And protect my heart like only You can do
Because I am ready to throw it out on the freaking highway
This is about That
Arrghghhghhghashavejea
That was poetic.
The true post goes something like this:
Across the room he sees her presence grace the floor
And unawares she becomes someone so adored
She stands tall as royalty, he feels unworthy
But blinded by his wreckless love he fights on for this beauty
Let him take you to the end
He's not so fleeting, his heart is beating for you
Oh lovely this man will stand for you
Every time you blink you bring his heart into your eyes
When you move, when you breath
He lights inside
Still....arggghhghhhhhhhh
Don't start thinking now.
Ummm
I think I said at one point that my whole life as it were was counting down to this moment
Anti-climactic
Very.
Gulliver
Over my body they build are their buildings
Their bricks and their stilts towered over my head
And all their ropes cut into my skin
It's so cold with this dirt as my bed
When I fell to the ground I was shamed beyond my name
All at once I became fattened and old, still untold
And when I was lovely they finally freed me
To stand in the ocean and face the enemy
They took all my memories and threw them with freedom
I don't even know what justice is anymore
When I escaped from that land
I did not know where I would go
So in my travels I drowned my fears
I was lost for many years
And when I return to the place of my starting
They will not accept me as one of their own
But eagles and monsters will carry me swiftly
All which was foreign has become my home
Search
There's all this underbrush here that I can't wait to get through
Unravelling til there is none left
But no, it will keep going and going
I am on a search and I don't know when or how
But if I come to a wall I will stop and turn around
Just show me out
Goodbye: A Rebuttal
Many thoughts, seemingly belief defining ones, have rolled around my mind these past few days. What is it about a closing and opening chapter, or more so the hallway between these two, that causes one to define themselves, or at least some of the many faces? Perhaps it's things still left unsaid, or a much prolonged work in progress that is only now coming to sum. Maybe and more likely, it is the opening of a new Pandora's Box the still "unknown" and there are things to be understood before full comprehension, or even beginning to comprehend. I think there is a simple answer which is "I am always at the beginning". My desire and gusto for change comes from a lack of belief in ending and more of a solid hope of continuation. We never fully know The Truth, we only climb the rungs of the ladder. Not rungs of status and achievement, but of enlightenment and knowledge. Of experience and appreciation. Of "falling more in love". That is where my hope lies, in becoming closer to Love. Love as the surrounding, everlasting, powerful, omnipotent, masterful, beautiful, Creator of creation. To love, and to pour it from within myself, is second in importance. And this alone is of greater value than any virtue or trait or habit I could ever learn. But to delve into Love itself...this is the highest comprehension I ever seek. The deepest breath I ever breath. The greatest life I could eve live. To find Him, not in a stagnant life but in an ever changing challenge, pushing me in the rapids of His unfathomable magnificent plan, and by His grace and deepest sweet delight, showing me a thread in the universe of His infinite being. So I press on, handicapped in goodbyes because of my willingness to greet the future, but learning to hold on to the vitality of what is present and true: the great gift of now learned steps. Closer than I was before. A greater capacity to love and a deep appreciation of those who have found me in their hearts. This is and end to nothing, I refuse to believe such a thing. For one never closes a friendship nor does one stop their journey for sake of looking behind. We would all be pillars of salt then. I will press on in fervent ambition, and forever hold close the set pattern which has been learned here in my heart.
I Want to See
My heart has no full grasp
Of any sort of finery or display
It has never been free of the grimey ropes and oil sodden waters of it's life spent
Only by exemption and rebirth will it ever feel the sweet airs of exsistance
Save me for infinity, and uproot my heart so I may clearly see beauty
Beat
There are times when my limbs freeze from my body
And I am stuck wherever I am, fuming from my lack of control
I will not breath a guilt haggared breath
But my lungs will react only to
Constricted, everything
I don't want anymore lies in my head
Give me light Lord, in all things, give me light
Truth Truth Truth Truth Truth Truth Truth Truth
I will praise thee;
for I am fearfully and wonderfully made:
marvellous are thy works;
and that my soul knoweth right well.
Psalm 139:14 (King James Version)
End
I veiled myself for one last time tonight
I have nothing to hide and I never once did
I promise I am innocent to a fault, never would I think of destruction
Please, don't bring me down with your misconceptions
It's A Dark World Here
Everything is a plan for breaking
Undeniably you make a stop at the last right
And become frozen amidst the rain
City lights and car engines breath past
But only the darkest eyes are capable of comprehension
Unzip
Unglue yourself from the pavement and believe in conciousness again
You don't know how far gone you've become
But it's a distant memory now
The minutes became years that you couldn't differentiate in your head
Turn away from black alleys and corners now
You can't even find the depths of yourself there
