My ramblings....

Sometimes...uhhh you may want to skip this blog/rant.

I hate the way I feel and hope and dream and cry
Over this whole stupid thing
Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid
I can't say it enough, but it stays
UUGGHHBADKADSJBDJWBLAHHHH

I feel worn down by one thing only to be crashed into the next rock
And you wouldn't think it to be such an issue
But because of who I am (which instead, is why you should think I am beautiful) I continue to feel so unsettled and irritated and passionate about everything
I hate that I am waiting around for something that could be nothing
So waiting for nothing, and putting my heart into it?
That's a solid waste of my time
You're fired

I think you're beautiful and hidden
Here's the part of me that just wont let go
Because as much as I'll rant and rave and be utterly hurt
Something else refuses to give it up
This is either stupidity and stubborness
Or a blessing for you in the long run
I
Can
Not
Leave
Even
When
I
Want
To
Can I? It's twisted. It's my human downfall


I kind of want to throw things at the wall
Note: this is how it's ALWAYS been


And yet I hang on to any sliver of a chance
That's the worst part
The hope that the imagination may instill


AND ALSO I am so over listening to crap
Talking and talking and talking
And I don't even want to listen any more
Because it drains me and then when you talk to someone else it even drains me then because I feel simply turned against. Are you purposefull? Are you direct? Am I a drama queen? Quite possibly but when I can so easily mask the issues beneath then I choose now to reveal my colours. I have come to dislike time spent and I don't want to be Talked At any more. Never anything meaningfull...not even from your one sided conversation. I Don't Want Apart Of THat. If I can say no to anything I'll say no to that right now. I am lashing out from being tired and frustrated but maybe eventually it will come to a good solid sitting down and telling straight what I honestly feel. I should just hope all things would come to that end, though some more positively than others. Please, if you would listen you would see that I do care, or do you see and so that is why you have chosen me as victim. I could talk in circles and still be victim vs pittiful but I just want to get that out of the way. I have felt this way for a long time and I have delt with enough from the source itself. I don't need you to turn your back and walk all over it the same way you continuously walk all over me. I will deal with my own stray heart but I don't need you twisting it more. If only to help me let go well I don't need your help in this! All I feel is that bitterness and that deciet and that's just a load that I don't want to carry. If I could say right now I'm over it I would surely be lying, just as if I said I was trying it would also not be the truth. So leave me to my hopes and ambitions, and for once let me get a thought or a feeling in, as stupid as it may be, because I am COMPLETELY tired of listening to you and COMPLETELY tired of feeling this way and the mixture just does not go. Let me be you and you and feelings and feelings. I am not up to you anymore.

posted by Unknown @ 1:53 AM