My ramblings....: August 2006

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

A Girl's Story. Pt.1

A dear girl stood amidst rocks of confusion and adversity
A mixture so unlike her preconcocted notions that she would stand stunned for a moment
Stopped in a hallway or doorway, becoming some other sort of obstructive figure
A statue in place for a minute or two, catching only a glimpse of breath from her chest
And her eyes would dart and expand, capturing light as her mind seemed to muddle
She thought at first she was only afraid
Fearful of the things she did not know and so on and so forth
But she had explored this sort of mythology long before, testing for truth and faulty
She would not normally be the sort to crumple under the mere weight of her surroundings
So after contemplating and coming free of her reactions
She would sit for a moment on a broken sofa, set aside especially for her
It was floral and antique in the captured image of her imagination
Her elbow on a dusty arm, arranging her imbalance
She could sit for hours then, admiring her world through the eyes of an animal
Unsure and adoring
She would analyze and envision and slowly fall asleep after decades of no relief
But even awakening, or during impartial dreams
She continues to create idealogies to explain her insufficiency in this place

Simply This, I Am Not A Snob

A sundance wont recover this
More conciously a blast from above
A holy domestication of the heart
Unnerving and unsettling
For truth is an intimate revealing of oneself
So don't consider it inconsiderate
Self-righteousness is not the cause
But a hidden collection of spirit
And hidden it will be until unearthed
Beneath the preservations and frozen dirt
It is not for fear or a lesser hope
But for a longing
Much later in life
A time for distraction and inner strife
Now is of character and self interpretation
No slight of hand will turn it out

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

No False Starts

Oh dear, don't go
I'm not at fault
I'm not about breaking
And letting fall
Don't turn
Don't lie
I've seen those eyes
I know when something is real
And when it is true
And I don't believe in failure
Or false starts
I can't let go
If it's not letting go of my heart
And unfathomable distance
Can't set me free
But still I will seek
Humble truth
And hand over trust
To simple peace
So don't give your mind over
To sorry beliefs
Just know what is good

Sunday, August 20, 2006

World-Ecology Rant

There is a tribe of people in the mountains of central south america whos central beliefs are based on the trees around them and mountain on which they live. Their belief is that the specific jungle they live amidst is the embassador for the entire earth, and they, the tribe, are the protectors and keepers of it. They view it as a spiritual dwelling, nourishing it, maintaining it, or at best, leaving it alone. If these trees are allowed to grow and prosper, so the rest of the trees of the planet will continue to release oxygen into the air. If the soil beneath their feet is respected, so the soil spread across the continents will continue to produce and provide. If the animals in their habitat are allowed to be safe, breed, and be happy, likewise the many species of water, land and sky will do so as well.
They are now facing a crisis as militants, who are spreading across the land during political unrest, are starting to move towards and into their precious habitat. They are fighting to keep them away, for fear that if their jungle is destroyed, the same fate is near for our planets.

I don't believe that the lifestyle of this tribe is just a cultural interest, but a misson we need to fully support and live by. The landscape in which we live, the trees around us, the ground below us, the animals that roam beside us, they are unfathomably precious. I say unfathomable because our world is not understanding their importance even as the disaster and erosion intensifies, it is skipped over and looked through. Now, more than ever before in exsistance, we need to be loving our earthly habitat, even the small areas around us; because there are those coming in who will destroy and dismember and though it may not be an immediate occurance, it will mean the destruction of our planet sooner rather than later. At this point in the game where now the human death toll has risen because of our heightened temperatures and changing ecosystem, there needs to be absolutely no shame in tree-hugging or whatever simple term it may be called. Serious action has been called upon for years by green parties and scientists, but only now is the general public starting to wake up. It is not a time for too slow a pace when the earth is already crumbling in our hands.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Tonight's Sunset

The sun has begun to burn away the rims of the cloud
Offshoots of glory point further above
This is rose coloured power
A surveyance of heaven on high
A moment, an eclipse of time
In the paradise of western sky

Friday, August 18, 2006

I'm Really Good At...

Pretty soon I'll be telling you how to hold your head
How to stay, play dead
How to tell me you don't like me
And tell the truth

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Blues

You took up smoking
When you fell in love
He had hair across his eyes
And he wore a paper glove
And you knew the only way
To make him see
Was to take up the addictions
He held so dear
You were right baby
Now he's addicted to you

You carried a hammer
To break his heart
You only used it
When you were far enough apart
Now you're picking up pieces of glass
That fell on your feet
And your telling him
He's the nicest boy
That someone else will meet

Musing

To my dear Friend, Father, Inspiration, Creator, Director, Mystery, Leader, God,

My feeble attempts to bring light into this world make me sit back in my chair and hang my head with a mix of disappointment, insignificance, hopelessness, and boredom. I continue to mix words and phrases with cliches and familiar notions and I hold these end products like clumps of dirt that I'd rather not have on my hands. I want to start some sort of separatist movement from something in this world, even something miniscule among the circle that surrounds me to show that all is not what it is and new beliefs can still be formed. I am filled with a passion for enlightenment and knowledge and wisdom, but I constantly to feel like I am one step behind the inspiration. The goal for change and development is fiery and exciting but how do I know I am going the right direction? Are my efforts really what my doubtful side convinces me they are, merely ones of immaturity and futility? Should I just sit down and drink some water, waiting for the heat to pass, and take the simple and idealistic opportunites that the world presents to me?
I think that maybe this is just a phase that every young person encounters when they are faced with a change in scenery and an openness to the society and world before them. They are no longer looking into the horizon, but actually are in the landscape and the opportunities seem endless and spectacular. Their hands readily grasp for fame and fortune, and usually these come in not so much the front you would think. The chance to make a difference is overwhelmingly appealing, but path-setting and recognition often seem to walk hand in hand, so is it possible that these ideas are often muddled and the priority isn't quite set?

I do not think, though, that taking the much-walked and simple route is what I am willing to settle for. I don't believe that my purpose is set for me, but it is a goal that I need to achieve. I believe the idea that the higher you reach, the higher you achieve, though it may be a slow and tedious process. I have heard that as your daughter, you have an unreal life in store for me. A life of which I can barely fathom the excitment it posesses. A life of brilliant light and exploration, of pain and exquisite disappointment...all leading towards wisdom and the knowledge of you. You, the creator of the world and everything in it. Every human being and every cell within them, every thought and idea that they exhale. Every molecule of life and destruction that is expelled into the earth. Every society and religion and lifestyle is beneath you, all apart of the people you created. Every animal and landscape and solar-system and infrastructure is something that you spoke or breathed or set into place.

So my desire, my breathlessness at the thought of learning and drinking in all that I could possibly know about and within this universe, it is a feasable desire. It is the desire to know you. And my passion for having a part in the change and turn around of this broken down and shaking society is truly inspired by you, the Lover and Creator of your people. I don't know how or when or where I will have an effect. I don't know how large or small it will be, but I don't want that to matter, because it is an effect no matter what in your eyes. And there is one thing especially that I don't want: I don't want to dip my feet in. I don't want to wade, I don't want to stand still, I don't want to become stagnent. I want to jump completely in, I want to run amidst the explosions and difficulties and not stop. I want to take all the opinions and ideas that the world and it's people has to offer and sort them out and decided where I stand and then use those to fuel who I am and what it is I am going to do. I want to be vibrant and effective and empowered by you. I don't want to be afraid of the world, but love it as your beautiful creation.

Love your kid.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Not Much For The Imagination

The sun seeps into my skin
I am kissed from above
I am grasping the breeze
Like for a gasp of air
My hands are weak
I can't hold on to it
Refusing to talk because that's what I seem to do these days
Nothing to say
Nothing surface level at least
Refusing to let it out
These tears or anything
Because I feel too scattered to stay with one emotion
And then
Finally calm
On a green evening
Little questions just to make it last longer
Finally I wont hide it or lie
Behind my words or flourished descriptions
I feel a bit safer with your arm around my shoulders
And figuring out things in my head
I'm really not creative when I have something meaningful to say
Or explain
I kind of just stutter away
But here in my words
I'll be honest and true

Sunday, August 13, 2006

A Tired Girl

I will not open up to let downs on late nights
For I could be all wrong
I could cry in a bathroom and no one would know
Not that I would, not that you'd know

I will not want more on late nights
Because I'm just bored or alone
I'd never go that far

I will not trust in feelings on late nights
Because I know where that leads
I'd much rather turn and laugh away
Because it saves something in the long run

Friday, August 11, 2006

The Beginnings

Grey seems to overwhelm white
This is not much of a blue sky
Or a starry night

And the cars that burn down the road
With their good intentions
But nowhere to go

After they said look at the sky
Not at the man who points
But you couldn't decide
Which was more beautiful
And you still don't understand
Where life began

Aware

Oh so frantic, windy and pale
If you gulp back your fears and your tears
If you are crushed beneath silence and soft lights above
Don't hold the thoughts that brush across your eyes
Closing them quietly and leaving you to fade
Fade, slowly fade until the picture is white
The painter's handcrafted image left
Left with a brush stroke of a defaced and howling thing
Oh what will this bring
Not the gems of desire
Not simple substances of dreams, not sleep
Not the careful touch that runs across your shoulders
Not a shiver in the warmth of the night
So leaving the broken glasses upon the floor
And flowers upon the post
Walking the breadth and leaving the room
So far so good and nothing more to do
But wait until another hair slips down your neck
Like a teardrop down the face of the one you last left
Do you remember speaking sorry like it was a simple word
Like a story or a lullaby you sang once upon a time
And though your basket filled to the brim
It did not overflow
You did not stop to look beneath the cover
What did you collect
But some washed up pieces of driftwood
Some shells and some clay
Even these can be treasure you cry and you pray
But once they have crumbled
And you've finally made sure
That there is nothing less of keeping
And nothing more to score
Once you've hung your head under moonlight
And turned your eyes from the sun
You will finally find a pathway
A distance from the shore
The shore of deep remorse and insufficientcy
Oh to leave it you are glad
But the parting ways is troublesome
Who will guide the way
As your face slowly draws colour
From the handrail and passing trees
You see a light of glory
You see a light of breath
A light to make things whole
And not a slight but a reach of the hand
Lifts you further into the space
The space of deep assurance and balance
You will find the inconsistancy, yes, it will be there
But suddenly you have drawn from a source
Not a mist of passing and fleeting
You are suddenly aware

Falling In Love With Everything

As I bring myself closer
My nose to the glass
I stare into the picture

The beauty before me
Catches the breath in my chest
What is this joy

As I dare to be innocent
My heart beats free
My eyes and spirit open wide

Flowers rapidly bloom
And a young child laughs
One falls in love

As I am overwhelmed
I don't want to move
I don't want to leave this place

I want to watch this forever
Feel this forever
This suffocating euphoria

As I cry over this
I am not ashamed
For I can see beauty

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

A Childhood Tale

We crouched down in the sand
Creating landscapes out of shells and long grass
He wasn't even fourteen
I just wanted him to like me

We had crashing waves in the back of our mind
And the bright midday sun blurring our sight
He had red hair, too shy to be smart
I was a tall and gangly one

I was young enough to still be innocent back then
He might not have been, but I still believed
He always ignored me, but I liked being there
Because that beach had a way of blowing away your cares

Monday, August 07, 2006

I Was Right

After leaving me dazed and confused
I realize how I don't know anything
I am not what I think
But I want to be something to you
Even if just to know it
And after leaving my eyes so content
I just want you to say something
But I knew it all along
You're too afraid

Boy, You Are Afraid but That Doesn't Get You Anywhere. Part 32802

Sunday, August 06, 2006

I Hate Math

If I was so not afraid of flying setting my heart on the sky I could dream and dream and find away to fly, fly away
+
All the words, breathless words that pass from your mouth to mine could stop the time that seems to find us
+
I will remember even when I forget that once was a moment that was shared when we had not a worry but still seemed to care
+
Shape shift your features uplift even the saddest of eyes
=
Afraid angry not right don't fight it love don't fight

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Steps To Follow When One Is _________

I'm just releasing sounds to get it out of my system
Noises to make myself clearer inside
I'm just shaking all over to let it all go
Just crying and crying because I don't know how else to explain

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Allison (The Strange Girl)

Well they set all their traps
For the first of November
Because they know you're most afraid then

And they took all their maps
And left you in the wilderness
Because they knew that you'd be fine
(Even when you lose your mind)

Allison, Allison, with hidden fossils in your hair
Allison, Allison, you gave third street quite a scare

And many wont believe you died
They still see your ghost
It looks the same as did
Your earthly host
And most wont admit
How frightening you really were
They say, they were smitten
But slightly perturbed

Allison, Allison, who do you belong to?
Allison, Allison, you never did any wrong to...

The people on the street
Who pretend they never met you
They walk very quickly
Their faces as white as glue
And then you appear
So close to them, so near
Oh Allison

Allison, Allison, we don't know what to do with you

You would stare up at the stars
They were your breath of air

So very long ago you were beautiful
Without a care

But when they found you
Dancing with the creatures

You were suddenly something very curious

Allison, Allison, they sent you to an ashen field
Allison, Allison, you walk the hills a distant thing
Allison, Allison, they saw in your eyes the innocent gleam
They don't know what to do with you

A Dream

That was it
Our goodbye
No kiss
No tears
No embrace
Just a handshake
And a wave
Oh dreams
You make me afraid

My ramblings....