My ramblings....

Musing

To my dear Friend, Father, Inspiration, Creator, Director, Mystery, Leader, God,

My feeble attempts to bring light into this world make me sit back in my chair and hang my head with a mix of disappointment, insignificance, hopelessness, and boredom. I continue to mix words and phrases with cliches and familiar notions and I hold these end products like clumps of dirt that I'd rather not have on my hands. I want to start some sort of separatist movement from something in this world, even something miniscule among the circle that surrounds me to show that all is not what it is and new beliefs can still be formed. I am filled with a passion for enlightenment and knowledge and wisdom, but I constantly to feel like I am one step behind the inspiration. The goal for change and development is fiery and exciting but how do I know I am going the right direction? Are my efforts really what my doubtful side convinces me they are, merely ones of immaturity and futility? Should I just sit down and drink some water, waiting for the heat to pass, and take the simple and idealistic opportunites that the world presents to me?
I think that maybe this is just a phase that every young person encounters when they are faced with a change in scenery and an openness to the society and world before them. They are no longer looking into the horizon, but actually are in the landscape and the opportunities seem endless and spectacular. Their hands readily grasp for fame and fortune, and usually these come in not so much the front you would think. The chance to make a difference is overwhelmingly appealing, but path-setting and recognition often seem to walk hand in hand, so is it possible that these ideas are often muddled and the priority isn't quite set?

I do not think, though, that taking the much-walked and simple route is what I am willing to settle for. I don't believe that my purpose is set for me, but it is a goal that I need to achieve. I believe the idea that the higher you reach, the higher you achieve, though it may be a slow and tedious process. I have heard that as your daughter, you have an unreal life in store for me. A life of which I can barely fathom the excitment it posesses. A life of brilliant light and exploration, of pain and exquisite disappointment...all leading towards wisdom and the knowledge of you. You, the creator of the world and everything in it. Every human being and every cell within them, every thought and idea that they exhale. Every molecule of life and destruction that is expelled into the earth. Every society and religion and lifestyle is beneath you, all apart of the people you created. Every animal and landscape and solar-system and infrastructure is something that you spoke or breathed or set into place.

So my desire, my breathlessness at the thought of learning and drinking in all that I could possibly know about and within this universe, it is a feasable desire. It is the desire to know you. And my passion for having a part in the change and turn around of this broken down and shaking society is truly inspired by you, the Lover and Creator of your people. I don't know how or when or where I will have an effect. I don't know how large or small it will be, but I don't want that to matter, because it is an effect no matter what in your eyes. And there is one thing especially that I don't want: I don't want to dip my feet in. I don't want to wade, I don't want to stand still, I don't want to become stagnent. I want to jump completely in, I want to run amidst the explosions and difficulties and not stop. I want to take all the opinions and ideas that the world and it's people has to offer and sort them out and decided where I stand and then use those to fuel who I am and what it is I am going to do. I want to be vibrant and effective and empowered by you. I don't want to be afraid of the world, but love it as your beautiful creation.

Love your kid.

posted by Unknown @ 12:06 AM