Lost
She finally gives in to the concreteWho knows what was here, but she is nowHer heart is heavy, so she cannot standWeighed down with the presence of these other's saddness and painShe knows it's thereShe searches for solace in passing trainsAnd the people withinBut all she finds is the same hurtWhy is everyone so drained and emptyShe finds her own self leaking outAnd she can't even see who she isHer edges blurredWhat does she so wantHow does one suddenly become so lost?
Her Heart Lost Its Worth
Purple skirtScratches on her kneesBlue eyes, brown hairMemorizedWhat is she in your headShe's not that easyYou know, you've been talking to her for hoursAll she wants is to smell the flowersAnd for you to take her homeBreath is shortIn the autumn airDid you see through her shirtWhen it rainedWas it bareOh, if she knew what she was doingShe would turn and runThat poor girl, she's just so prettyAnd so much less to youAnd when she feels that she is absolutely nothingShe will turn to youBecause you talk to her like moneyBut hold her like garbageShe's a useless someoneAnd when she calls you upWill you take her by the riverAnd kiss her innocentlyWhen she knows that deep insideAll you want to doIs lay her down, and bring her down
Even When You Don't Understand, I Think It's Beautiful
I'm stuck on everyone elses wordsAnd I don't know how far I can goBecause as soon as I begin to walkThe bolts lock me inAnd I can see how they turn sometimesLike clockworkBut you're smile is so refreshingI just want to breath it inAnd you wouldn't believe these firecrackersWe brought them in somehowIt's nice to lean inThough I sometimes lean awayIt's a safe bet That waySo be careful when you tell me thingsThink about not telling me anything at allThink about silenceBecause that's when I can think of youAnd it's not about your wordingOr your overflowingIt's something about the momentMaybe that's just meBut I'm the type who likes to look aroundSo you can tooIt's nice that way
Oh Beautiful Day
A melody of the windblown glass Echos into the empty corners of this room Relfections in the shadows give way to a sunlit hope The heavy heat settles against my chest And the midday silence is unusually thick This is no time for ignorance So put yourself at ease Find a grassy hill and make it your heaven Pray that your thoughts are blessed Because there is no time in the world but now The dark has fallen somewhere else And the mystery wont last much longer
Stuff to Remember
This jaded religious audience
I could find you if I tried
Good Evening
Cornered in my searchFor the X marks the spotOh broken heartWill you pick yourself upSitting on my rooftopWatching neon buses fly byDusk seems to strike the most chordsHow creatively arrangedA couple doubts flit away with the sunThe music is dulled next to my thoughtsI'm glad because everything looks a little goldenEven the things I don't know
Curious.
Just another time I've let you walk away Just another voice That's told me there's nothing I should say Just another, just another What am I doing to you? Just another, just another How am I making you see me? I need to come around You're slowly moving out and it's burning me down I'm really pushing you away And you're just gonna go One day One more time I've watched your eyes Saddly say goodbye One more time I've had to cry But wouldn't tell you why One more time, one more time I think it's all a waste One more time, one more time That just isn't the case But you love me, I see it when you smile You'll wait for me, it's worth it all the while I'm just foolish and I'm letting you down When you're trying to get me walking straight I'm running all aroundK so I found this in an old notebook of mine while cleaning out my room and I'm thinking it's from grade 8/9. Although it's super lame/bad writing it made me really curious because I couldn't remember what/who it was about. Dangit!!
The Decision
There's nothing safe about this But I'm holding on So I'm ignoring my fears My doubt and my caution Thrown out the door Because I want to Because I've decided it's worth it And I can try if I believe I see the risk like a raincloud Sitting off in the distance Waiting for the fall But if I'm sitting in the sun It really doesn't matter So maybe I'm crazy Maybe I'm just trying to make the best Or maybe I've got something.
My Exploration Into The Deep Love Of God
I've found my joy! It's you, it's you Your blessing Lord Thankyou I've felt you Lord So real, so tangeable And suddenly I am free Oh this package that I carried Of wounds and doubt Burried so tightly in the centre of my soul Burried so deeply that I barely knew That it was wrecking my being And everything around me God..oh God! You took it out God you found it within me and took it from me What I longed for so deeply That I could never do on my own You freed me Lord Now my chest is lighter My breath is clear I no longer feel a load on my heart Thankyou God Oh this thanks I can barely express Oh God I found my joy It is you...it is you Oh God of love and laughter Of beauty and art and creation Of joy and mercy and patience! You are too much for me Your power was overwhelming I could only lay in your presence My hands felt your glory Lord Oh God even that my hands could feel your presence Amazing! So surrounded by your love And adament purpose to show me it To make it so clear of your love for me So very clear God. To rip away the ugliness I held inside of me To destroy the lies I followed so closely And tell me the truth I am your beautiful little girl And you are my pure powerful father Who only wants to let me know So dearly That you love me
The Words of a Friend
He said to me:"today i was cruising listening to the beatles and i wished that moment could have been the rest of my life"And I kinda could relate.But I wasn't listening to the Beatles.And it actually made me pretty afraid.Because I didn't want to end.And it'll happen again.And it'll end.
Reflective.
Maybe there's something about right now Something with taking a step back While reaching out my hands Something about this sunshine and these storms That help me feel like it just makes sense There's something unique about being afraid And something just as unique as letting yourself trust Something about finding a balance and taking a risk You find a mix of retrospection and introspection With a large bit of unknown And just take it as it is And you see yourself letting go And holding closer Something new
A Smile=Gift
See my smile? Take it It's yours Hold it dear Toss it out Just observe Whatever you do It's okay Just as long As it's you.
A Prayer for The End of Insecurity / Half of this begins in W
With your sunshine on my faceWhy would I ever turn away?Why would I look to myselfWhen you've overwhelmed meWith your spectacular, unmatched beautyWhy do I look at myself, your creation,With disdain?When I see your magnificent nature,Imagery, people, music, landscapeEverything is beautiful because it's of youI only need to see youAnd not see myself at allI want to be completely captivated by youAnd all you've created
Enough With These Hypothetical Convulsions!
And nowWhen my emotional rehab finally kicks inBecause you know...That's what happens with a little dose of that old drugI'm out of that panic and disorientationNo more backlash to the same old spellMy anger at even thinking about itHas steamed off into thin airAnd I remind myselfIt's only understandableThat's just what happensWhen a good personMesses with a bad...thing.
A Beautiful Sun/Day
I've had a beautiful dayThere was much sunshineAnd I feel brightInside and out
An After Thought
You look that wayI'll look herePretend I was never watchingPretend you never caredBecause now I understandIt was pretty mutualThe whole ideaOf walking awaySo now that I've stopped noticingYou're turning aroundAnd now that I've stopped believingYou suddenly seeThat frustration I feltWell I'll give it all to youBecause remember I said so long agoHow being afraid never let you moveAnd now you understandHow very true"Boy, You Are Afraid but That Doesn't Get You Anywhere" part 4.5
And now perhaps regret?
An Internal Battle
I hate how it rips me apart inside When I can't find myself When I don't see it... That beauty And the further I get The more I look to them And the more it hurts I just want to see it! Finally it breaks Because I'm nothing in them A cutting nothing It's amazing how low that brings you It's amazing how I still find God there Redeem me God because I can't stand Heal these wounds I've given myself Take these weapons from me Oh God I need you I want to see myself by looking at you
The Magic of Donuts
The air is fresh
A chill to my feet
The sun is bright
A beautiful morning
How lucky am I
To share this moment
With one of my favorite boys
Barely half my size
Not even a quarter my age
He with his sprinkles
And me with my filling
Both good picks I guess
For five minutes
I'm the most special girl
In the world
And then he bikes away
Another adventure to find
Army to conquer
How did I get so lucky??
Rhythm & Blues
How do you become so afraid of the world?
It's lonliness my friend
Late Night vs.Early Morning
If I could tell you with certaintyHow beautiful I thought this to beThis life, this earth, youI would do it, and oftenBut so often I'm swayed with doubtAnd the colour leaks awayLike the image of the landThrough a rain splattered paneIf I could make it clear to youHow convinced I was by my heartAbout my dreams and plansI would piece it together Like my written wordBut I'm crushed by insignificanceSo unprepared, young girlLike a newly settled lambNot nearly sure on my feetAnd I come to reassure myselfIn my moments aloneThat these things I createAre beautiful and individualAnd I carry them aroundLike treasures in my chest
Rhythm
How do you become so afraid of the world?
A Runner's Tale
With a gasp of fresh air she turns around What a night to be alive This isn't real life She believes It's an eclipse in time An enchanted moment inbetween
A Sacrifice
Survey the deepness that I've layed before youThe core values of my soulThe very pulse of my body is at your feetWill you step over with the slightest movementWith the gracefullness that kills me so very slowlyOr will you rest your head against my chestTo check whether or not I am real
A Very Honest Igloo
Don't leave me alone
In this frosted over homeLike the girl that I amI'll still cry out for loveYou found me out runningOver the drifted dunesWhere are you goingCatching the drifter in youMy downfall becameHow breathless you make meBut the deep and low wont take meTil I can no longer seeThese sacs I've been wearingAre revealing stillBut I'm tired of hidingNaked before you
If The Sky Were Blue
How did I get thisHow I can I hold itSo short livedRather not lived at all?But if askedNot to walk awayConsiderationAnd calculation
Running deeperThan first thoughtExaminationAnd appreciationLeaves me leftWithout clarityAnd yetAfter a moments timeI sighAnd forget
My Best Friend
My dear friend and teacherI have longed for someone like you for so longA companion and a comfortA strength and a guideFor so long I missed youI thought my search was doneBut it was funny...How lonesome I had to become to just see the truthFinally there was no one but youNo one would who would hear meAnd UnderstandNo one who would see my tearsAnd hear my hopesBut youNow I have found someone who I loveTo you I give my dreams and my fearsMy joy and my painI wont be confused or worried anymoreThose are worthless feelingsWhen you are in controlMy heart longs for youAnd my spirit is at home with youI don't want to give my love or selfTo anyone until it is first completely in youI desperately need you to guide meAnd leave your impressions in my mind and heartBecause I am broken without you
Some Sort of Fairy Tale-Lullaby
Open your windowClimb down your bedpostI'm not much of a story tellerBut you can take a lookHappy ever afterWas a once upon a time gigBut I'm tryingI don't know What the word will doBut I'll see what I can tell youAnd in those momentsWhere you get lost in your own headJust rememberI will be your sideWhen your crying in your bedI will be here, I will be here
And when your rose-coloured glasses
Fall off
I will put them back on you
And when all you can see
Is grey
I will show you black from white
Remember how you used to pretend
You were a princess
I will make sure you always know
You are
Open your eyes
I wont always be here
I'm sorry I didn't tell you
I loved you, more often
You are worth it
And did they tell you you looked like me?
Did, did they tell you who you'd be?
Don't, don't listen, they don't know
They can't imagine where you'll go
You're so much more than I could be
You're so much more, so much more
On Beauty
I find I am most beautifulOr feel such beautyWhen I am enraptured with the beauty around me
Listen
Here I sit In this twilight The wet fog hangs grey Against the sweet smelling grass I've missed these frogs and crickets and birds I've especially missed listening to you I got tired of the talking I was full of the noise So I set it all down Stopped What am I listening for? I still don't know But listening is enough Here is still, peace, silence Here is power and beauty and artistry Here is sacred and spiritual Here I AM
Dormir
One sweet glance
And I sleep
Softly away
Out of the world
Blurred edges
Low lights
The colours are harmless
Goodnight
Obsolete: Find Definition.
Separation and anxietyThese are the words they all learnedLike poems from a bookOr an anthem of the heartWhere is your king now?Where are your spaceships?We flew them all away In search of the starsWe drove him to the hillsBecause you were right all alongHis features became dullLike our carvings of rockAnd though we mapped them all outOur stars are flying in a much different directionThen we ever thought they couldSo why do you still sing those songs?Like a religous ceremonyYou bow down before the south and north polesAnd you don't even know which way you walkWho's voice do you hear in the morning?The fear is of whoever is out thereWhoever we will never meetCan't you see we're only piecesWhen we don't have something to live forEven if it is built upon the sandPerhaps we're waiting for the waves to comeFor even our frail hopes would no longer beWhich are the strongest of what we believeAnd though we would be washed to nothingIt is only then, clearly obsolete
Tim's Big Fan...
I remember that nightWhen it was a bit more painOr just letting goI chose the latter but still felt lowThanks for letting me in your bedSo I wouldn't feel so aloneI like those timesWhen you just look at me and smileBecause it makes me feelTen times more the person I amThanks for being the manI cry on til I'm emptyAnd listening to me cry on the phoneWhen you're too far awayI'm glad we can laugh so hard togetherAnd how sometimes we feel alone without eachotherI feel proud to know we have something specialI feel proud to have you as mine.
A Couple Musings
I am not just a simple minded womanEasily swayed by the touch of your handI will run if I feel my hearts in dangerWhen threatened to fall for a beautiful manI have a passion for things that are sacred I still stand by my love for the faithI get lonely when I feel I am just a girlBut I will not find myself in the world
I breathe and I speak with my heart
I find beauty in the simple things
I like to think I'm a story to be told
But even then there is more to behold
And if you meet another love
Take her hand and hold it tight
But if you can't get me off your mind
I hope we meet like this some time
I hope we meet like this
King
Remember the bus-back king?Remember how brilliant he wasIn the sunlight...He still brought sunshine when it was dark outsideRemember thinking it was luckyJust to be in his presenceJust to listenOh bus-back king, you're a king indeedYou make things a little brighterI can even see colour on your ground
*who is the bus-back king you say? Read Febuary's "Boy(s)" for first reference*
A Soft Lullaby
With this breathtaking view of our life
I hold you inside
And I'm laying here at your feet
Til you open your eyes
I will stand here until you signal me to goI will stand here as long as you need me to
Of A Beauty
She once walked across fieldsOf glory and goldBut her bones of steelAre now brittle and brokenWeathered handsNo longer hold her body highBut bitter eyesWatch her pained figure passAnd upon a moonlit nightOnly one shadow meets hers thereThey dance a precious danceSo simple and aloneOne silver line from the web of timeUntil she crawls back to her tomb
Violence of a Love Song
And though the people Tell us their stories Of what is right and wrong I will not cross to the other side Until you tell me it's alright And though the world is crying for mercy Your love is so violent, they'll say We'll drown the whole world In this beautiful rainfall Until they feel the same call
Dream
I think, maybe If the light was just right It would shine beautifully on us Like pieces in a puzzle We could fit Stunning pictures we would take And sweet music we would make Like a story They always knew would be told
It's Been So Long Since I Have Met You Here
I definitely know when I have been away from you too long. Putting you off for the business of my life, I become weak. My heart feels a sudden and immediate need For one on one time with you. My spirit is lonely, hungry, and thirsty. These pains demand attention NOW. My spirit crys out for you to fill me, I want to be immersed and soaked in you. My breath is shallow and weak When not breathing completely for you, And my body fades. You are my life force, my strength, my comfort, and my joy. You create balance and stability within me and keep me afloat. I am drowning without you.
Estaré Loco en el Verano
Slow progress from a runaway train
I am so torn
Trying to fake some blissfull ignorance
Can't you see I'm happy?
You and I, friends forever!
I know you know what it is
It's summer!
And the sun does something to my head
Sorry if you get confused
I promise I'll come around
It might take a couple days
But we'll be happy
Carefree
I love these fleeting summer moment
A Work
Say goodnight and walk awayNot as bright as you were yesterdayIf I light up my smileAnd promise another timeYou may not hear the little things I sayForget the shade, the birds, the sunTeach me how to walk and runBut don't look at meDon't think you feelAnything that might jump the gun
Goodnight
Sober up a little Don't be surprised Don't fall asleep Because the point before Is where you love the most Or loved being loved Pick and choose Just let it go Draw close As the lights fade slow
The Story of The Day
Unexpected, unusual, unplannedThis knot I was holding has turned into something elseAnd let me tell you, the knot was strange enoughBut I am happySo happyWhen I'm not supposed to beAnd a retreaved Jr High line...because I think it works well:
I feel like, not over reacting, simply explodingMy heart's overloadingstrange strange things these days
The Teacher and The Taught
Dear teacher, can you tell me What will I see Is it silver, gold and diamonds Or a home by the sea Will he love me, will he hurt me Will he leave me alone Dear teacher, I am asking Will I find my own Dear teacher, can you keep me From the land of the dead All I ask for is some sunshine And a place to lay my head Just a simply melody Will last me through the night Dear teacher will things be alright Have you heard all they say Are you crying as they walk away Is it an empty world I fight for Is this a burden or your hand on my shoulderAnd even in the darkest night I will open my eyes and I will see Through the casting shadows and breaking sighs I will not be divided
Dear mother, can you see me
As I walk across the screen
Dear father, are you praying
For a life to be concieved
All those lines in your reflection
Not just for laughters sake
Can you tell me what keeps you awake
Dear children, hear the stories
That the faceless sings to you
Hide your precious books and poets
With the rest they'll be consumed
And if they ask you for your treasures
Hang your head and turn away
There's no use being afraid
Cabin Fever!
Do you know how beautiful you are?Pretty freaking beautifulI'm not supposed to say thisBut I will anywaysJust to let you know I'm fightingYou're so wonderfully strangeAnd I bet you love well
I Went For a Walk, Now I'm Tired
You wouldn't believeHow I never tire of hearing you sayYou wouldn't believeHow crushed I can beIt's sad to hearHow many times I need to remind myselfIt's sad to seeMe feel so brokeIt hurts to knowIt'll be a battleIt hurts to thinkAnything at allIt's the most beautiful thing everWhen I can find a momentYou couldn't imagineHow wonderful it feelsIt wears me outTo crash after it all
