Happy Anniversary!
I almost forgot, how could I!
It's been two years for blog and I.
Now I know this may seem a little silly, I mean it's just a website, but it's where I seriously started writing. THAT's the big deal. Practising and rambling and spouting and fine-tuning. Those are all good things that blog and I have gone through together.
And two years is a lot of time too. Considering this is basically a frighteningly public but unassumingly cryptic journal, you could discover a lot, if you put in the effort.
If I had streamers and colourfully exploding noise makers I would set them all off from the quiet of my little office here.
Happy two years...
...
I fell through 300 floors of madness
And you asked me just to be myself...
So turn around, Carrie asked Mike because Mike was a lot prettier staring into her eyes. What's all this about walking away, nobody does that these days. Especially when they've found something like this. But there's this finicky detail that always blows up times eleven and sometimes you just get past the details, especially if you're a detail person. So Carrie didn't love just what was in front of her, but waited and waited and waited...
Along with those who twist and turn at night
There are the silent breaking sighs...
This is not, by any means,...
Under no circumstances should you be left out
The frozen air quickly cascades and arrests
Your own beating breathing heart
Should I survey the brief landscape
That has so collapsed upon itself
Sending grass into trees and skyscrapers into their fellow branches
When feet meet sand they are struck by the sharpness
This once was glass and now it is apart of your skin
Just like everything else blown along
Newspaper on the windshield
I hate driving alone at night
That side is ment to be filled
Some Phrases I Mean
I don't think I deserve you
After all the radiance you emit
I think I'm just stuck to you
I hope I can hold on to you
The nerve endings are over-firing, head to toe
Torrent.
I found myself captive under a dull purple sky
Viking hair squalor, fists raised high
I don't just take the fire
I take five hundred men and beasts
And I am bound together by leather and bone
Oh, but lovely, turn to me when you wake
The morning swan across the crystaline lake
Delicate to distinction
And precious unawares
I move in a silence that is consuming
And this is the wolf that sits upon my shoulder
Also it gazes at me viciously
In the torrent I fight, in the torrent I am mastered
And tattered I return in the being
Personal
I am wondering how I can be a more complete me, through the surrounding rivers of change that have swept about my life. Such scenery eruption fills my soul but leaves my body to question what else it is made of.
I have one centre point and that is the God of heaven and earth. When I speak of my God it is not of a distant and cosmic power or a small contained idol carved from stone. He is the creator and designer of all things, and still I speak of Him with intimacy. My life is bouyed to Him, like a kite on a string He is always holding and guiding.
And yet He has created me with freedom, and this freedom is the true beauty of humanity. How I choose to be in this freedom is what builds the person that I am.
So I stand with blocks of me. Some genetic, inherited, some completely new and original to my being. Some I have amalgamated and taken in my few years on earth. But these are what I have, to do with what I will.
I have a few which I treasure, precious as gems. Such as faith, hard work, wanderlust. Some I need to be concious of and containing or tuning...pride, stubbornness, critical. Others are both a blessing and curse, and from day to day I must observe with a grain of salt, such as analytical thinking, and relational caution.
I fear often for a lack of authenticity. I feel most unhappy when I don't feel myself. I think this comes from the truth that I am created by God and somehow a part of my is intrinsically linked to Him. My view must shift in that, I am not closer to God if I am happier with myself, but is in fact my journey and relationship with Him which reveals in me the beauty of what He has created. This is still a difficult search, for I find at the most unexpected times that there are pieces of me that attest to God's hope, and once again I must evaluate thoughts and motives and beliefs. I am also readjusting my thoughts in that, in many things it is not a matter of what is Good or Bad or Right or Wrong. For outside of the basics clearly outlined in the Bible, there is a lot of grey area. The only thing that I can do is try to constantly align my life and soul to God, and desire for Him to teach me what is best.
Spealanguaviche
I would like to say hello to the new way of walking
Arabic, Hebrew and Persian
In these ways I will learn and tell you of love
It's like the night of new years resolutions
When I say "I want to be a nicer person"
But now I have a reason to try
I feel the general yield and slow
But I have chosen to take these in the most outrageous fashion
Hit the curb and let the world know
Love Me
I suddenly inverted my exposed skin back into myself
In a blinking moment of fright
You wouldn't know the difference in the light or the breeze
But I feel as though I've cast my line, unbiting
I know when I use my sensable brain that this is untrue
And my efforts are actually less pronounced in compair
But how does one gather any clarity in this?
It seems an anomaly
For with all the natural chemicals sent into unusual explosions
There is none left to guard the habit of dispair
I don't want this to be hard
This is something I maintain as a cardinal rule
I think the restrain vs. retain I feel is a result of my own feeble creation
When it does come down to the bottom of the pot
After all the water has boiled into oblivion
You will find a simple wilted request of "Love me"
And this, I beg you.
