My ramblings....

Personal

I am wondering how I can be a more complete me, through the surrounding rivers of change that have swept about my life. Such scenery eruption fills my soul but leaves my body to question what else it is made of.
I have one centre point and that is the God of heaven and earth. When I speak of my God it is not of a distant and cosmic power or a small contained idol carved from stone. He is the creator and designer of all things, and still I speak of Him with intimacy. My life is bouyed to Him, like a kite on a string He is always holding and guiding.
And yet He has created me with freedom, and this freedom is the true beauty of humanity. How I choose to be in this freedom is what builds the person that I am.
So I stand with blocks of me. Some genetic, inherited, some completely new and original to my being. Some I have amalgamated and taken in my few years on earth. But these are what I have, to do with what I will.
I have a few which I treasure, precious as gems. Such as faith, hard work, wanderlust. Some I need to be concious of and containing or tuning...pride, stubbornness, critical. Others are both a blessing and curse, and from day to day I must observe with a grain of salt, such as analytical thinking, and relational caution.
I fear often for a lack of authenticity. I feel most unhappy when I don't feel myself. I think this comes from the truth that I am created by God and somehow a part of my is intrinsically linked to Him. My view must shift in that, I am not closer to God if I am happier with myself, but is in fact my journey and relationship with Him which reveals in me the beauty of what He has created. This is still a difficult search, for I find at the most unexpected times that there are pieces of me that attest to God's hope, and once again I must evaluate thoughts and motives and beliefs. I am also readjusting my thoughts in that, in many things it is not a matter of what is Good or Bad or Right or Wrong. For outside of the basics clearly outlined in the Bible, there is a lot of grey area. The only thing that I can do is try to constantly align my life and soul to God, and desire for Him to teach me what is best.

posted by Unknown @ 10:32 PM