My ramblings....: February 2006

Ahem Tim Hortons

donuts and muffins and chocolate chip cookies
bakers and owners and really slow rookies....

it is funny...so I wrote it
it is lame...so I stopped

A: The Movie

Woke up and turned on the soundtrack to my life
Stopping in the staircase just to take it all in
Feeling the melancholy silence amidst the noise
Taking an hour to finish the orange juice
Feeling your space but contently complete
The scene should pan to the falling snow
Looking at myself for the drama and beauty
Which turn will finish the story
Hopefully waking up tomorrow
To find it never actually ends

Dear Friend, I'm Too Far.

Walk around
And drink it in
Ignorance is giving up
Feel this for just a minute
Don't pretend to be done
Don't pretend to be okay
Don't pretend I'm not...
I feel it
You better believe I do
It's hard and it hurts and it's inescapeable
It's when you believe that
It's when you let it be that
When you start to see clearer
When it starts being okay
Because it's not hidden
It's not a secret
It's not untouchable
It's for real
And only God above has the ability to make it feel right
Only God has the ability to turn you right side up
That heaviness that hangs on your chest
So strong and brilliant that you try to release it in tears
Don't just hold that there
You know you can't
Don't you know
Can't you see you're hiding it still
I'd love to open your eyes
But I'm too far
I understand this
Please try

One Day I Realized Love

I fought so hard to get away
And fought it all the way home
I was expecting a turn around
But I'm back where I started
Feeling it when you turn around
You'd think I'd had enough
I sure wish I had
If it was easy I'd leave this here
But it's so deep it wont come out
Like an old weathered tree
It's rooted way down
Pulling it out is the hardest part
I'll keep pulling
Don't worry, I'm trying hard
But I'll be here for a while

This Is Very Often My Prayer

I feel like falling apart
God hold me close
I want to be a child in your arms
Comfort me like a father
I can't take this
I feel like breaking
Hold me together
Carry me through
I wont make it on my own
Hold my hand
Lift my head
Help me smile
Give me grace
Let be transparent of your love

A Definition of Beauty

When we lay
Like that
Arms
Intwined
Barely
Touching
Our lips
So close
My nose
By your nose
I love feeling so close
Is this
Beauty
Perfection
Love
I don't know
But
It's the most
Beautiful
Perfect
Lovely thing
I've ever experianced
Lets
Lie here
Forever
Blankets
Keeping us warm
We are so close
In our hearts
To each other
It's beautiful

This Glass Is Half Empty

*ahem...this is a tough challenge...it's called a new writing a day*

Surprises and early risers
Like a sunset on a city beach
You only get so far when you run
But at least you're going somewhere

With rock-bottoms and half-empties
You've lost your rosy glasses
Open your eyes to this place
It's a quick loss in eternity

tough

Song For B. (Part 2)

Her smile says sweet 16
Dancing blue eyes catch you in between
Did you know
This girl is something else

No freckles on her nose
Her wild hair shines so gold

And you say
Where did you get that smile?
Yea you say
Where have you been all my life?

Laughter that has an outloud shine
Proud to call her friend of mine
I am so
Happy to have her on my side

She is worth every chance you get
Such a beautiful girl, you're lucky to have met

so...a) yes...bad writing
b) yes...used a rhyme dictionary
c) don't care...sounds better as song

Boy, You Are Afraid but That Doesn't Get You Anywhere

Take her hand
This isn't the end of her story
She knows you're just starting
You havn't caught on

Hold her gaze
Boy, send her to glory
You know you feel it deep down
Butterflies from a frown

What's a rush without her face?
What's a shiver when no ones there?
You know she's dying to make it clear
Don't be scared boy, don't be scared

Take her in
She's more beautiful than before
Let it begin
You're missing out if you let her walk away

Don't ignore
The way you feel when she walks into the room
Open your eyes boy
She'll move on if you don't hold on

Heart String

this is just a contest hunny
just a fight for best man
you know I'll let you on
I'll let you by
but you better be watching behind
don't let go of your mind
don't carry your heart on a string
I will be there
and you will be mine
unsuspecting you will fall
fast and hard hunny
your heart string tied around my finger

For Muskoka

His coat smelt like smoke and fall air
He took me back to maple trees and your plaid shirt
The wood of the cottage, etched into my mind
That smell I'll hold onto forever
Christmas trees hold hands with waist deep snow
Even the carpet, or stones between my toes
Her soft wrinkled hands, like a blanket over mine
Every box and trinket was a treasure
Every page turned was a hunt
I poored out a bottle in hopes of a princess
I can remember the magic still
Of secret places and enchanted lands
The lakes of glory and rocks of grace
Every corner held a secret
To be discovered by the imagination
Even the videos beneath told something
Even the swing was beautiful
A crack in the road shares stories with a crack in my bone
A bed that always seemed so big
A canoe that carried tranquility
A notebook to pretend I was as smart as her
My dreams will stay in that world

Dear God

I hear you speak
Through a whisper in the breeze
And though my mind is loud
You help me listen

I see you move
In a simple act of love
And after all my crying
I finally release

Take me out of control
Take me in your arms
I want to let go
Want to give you my all

To you, to you
I only sing to you
To you, I give everything
Please take my song
Please take all that I am
To you, I give everything

Those Times When You Stop, and it's Okay

Nobodys heart was broken
I guess that goes to show
That we weren't ment to be

I never really loved you
And we're not hurting here
You never felt that way for me

And if we were ment for making
We never would have let ourselves down
To where we are

A picture tells a story
Holds loves memory
But we never took pictures did we

A smile holds some promise
Could have made some gain
But we never smiled much anyways

And is it wrong to say
We knew from the beginning
It wouldn't really work

So now we keep on living
It's hard to get back into the way
When you know, no one else is around

We've left for different places
We're somebody different now
But we still wake up at the same time

And I want you to know
I'll move on
And so will you
In happiness

But what you'll never know
Is I'll always
Remember the way
We used to go

Dear Stevie Wonder

I don't got many years
I don't got a lot to say
But hunny, I have two ears
And I'm waiting for you to pray

So far all we have
Is a couple kisses and a handshake
But hunny I don't think that
Is where we're planning to stay

Even though we've hit the end
We are still trying to make and mend
Even when we seem to crash
We hold on to make it last

Someone Will be Caught

Under the door again
When will you learn all their secrets
I don't think it will be long
Til they let you in

Past all the rules again
You are lucky to be alive
I don't think there will be a second chance
Next time

There's Something Here. Scraps.

They called me red carpet
'Cause beauty walked all over me
---------------------
You're nothing more than a smile on my face
And this smile can be erased
---------------------
I can't say I like you
But you've got me intruiged
---------------------
Remind me of perfection
Let me look in your eyes
---------------------
Set aside all the evils that you bought
I threw down all my feelings on your lot
---------------------
Far from ordinary
We had a shot
But we left it up
To a higher power
Far from what we thought
And we didn't think much
But thankyou very much
For leaving it up to me
---------------------
I've got you
You hold me
You read my eyes
I know your mind
We can't hold on
We lose control
But we're set for lovely
---------------------
You held me like you never wanted to let me go
Then you let go, and never held me again
---------------------

I Will Deny This. For All Who Worry, An Exerpt of Grade 9

Don't touch my hand
Don't look my way
Don't say hello
I wouldn't know
What to say

Don't catch your breath
Don't break this wall
Don't be a fool
I don't love you
At all

I wont pretend that I want you
I wont pretend that I need you
I wont give in to what my heart is crying for

Don't be so kind
Don't even smile
Don't even think
I could have loved you
All the while

Don't be so right
Don't know my heart
Don't be the reason
I am living for

Because of course I need you
Because of course I love you
I pretend that you're nothing
When you're all that I want

Hello and Goodbye.

Remember that love song I wrote you
Remember those eyes you stared into

I wont be hiding
I will be right here waiting for you

Remember the moments, remember my kiss
Remember that girl that you used to miss

I wont be hiding
Be looking over that hill
I wont be crying
At least I'll try not to
I will be right here waiting for you

Holding onto hope that you'll be back soon
I will let go if you ask me to

Breathing, falling, crying
That's what being alive is for
I just pray in time I'll be able to close that door

Boy (s)

No bursting flowers in the beating sunlight
But there we sat and it was right
King of the bus-back
And his summer music
But we didn't use it
So we just sat tight

The day is only in it's infant years
And the sound of silence is my greatest fear
And in that time
Where we thought no one could hear
The stars were running
To dry our tears

When we talked until that lovestruck breaker
Said you were no faker, just my luck
Now it's time for me to
Throw the salt
Oh it's not my fault
I just forgot to run

And no, I wont be the one who takes your love
But I will have that moment you dreamed of

Hold On Vs. Let Go

I remember talking about falling apart

And dreamt of holding onto the dark

Don't fall through

It was all about repetition to forget

It was all about ripping those papers to shreds

It was all about symbols and letting go

Don't fall through

Now I'll wake up and see you there

Happiness never came from lacking sleep

But with those eyes hunny, I will melt

With this smile hunny, I will tell

Don't fall through

It's what I'll tell myself

To stop thinking about you

Because freedom never came so beautifully

But that colour was never quite so overpowering

I'm looking so that I'll fall through

Somehow not so afraid of the fall

See me fall through

Did You Think I Was Beautiful All Along?

My reflection said something of beauty tonight

And I said I'm the only one who knows

But did you see me in a beautiful light

All those days when I forgot my own face?

All Up In Secrets

lock your eyes

with mine

I read

your mind

I know

you're not happy

with moving

this space

to that space

we're distant anyways

but in the

secret

kind of way

I like it

that way

this mystery

that phase

it'll move

some day

for now

lock your eyes

with mine

Terracotta Tinfoil

Don't tell me you don't know

It's what they put plants in

The ones which do not grow

You know the kind

Whether in water or sun

Not by sugar nor love

Will these buds be bloomed

Not by catterbugs consumed

But sit alone in the shade

In their tropical climate

They will fall to the ground

In peaceful pain

You know the kind, they do not grow

I'll Be Here (i.e. Bo's Song, In Saving Myself Your Shame)

Did you know that I have loved you for forever

And nothings changing, never

Even with what's happening now

I know, I know that you have loved an another

In the absence of a lover

You stayed there somehow

Oh, I'll be here

When the sun fades from the sky

I'll be here

When tears fall like stars in the night

I am only with you in my dreams

So should I stay asleep forever

And be by your side

But if I did so

Then I would choose to forfeit

A one chance to see the real you smile

And I'd wait...any day...

Just to see...you smile

Oh, I'll be here

When the sun fades from the sky

I'll be here

When tears fall like stars in the night

I have just one thought

It's that nothings gonna happen

And I'm being torn from you with whats happening now

I will, I'll feel this sence of loss forever

But maybe in forever

You'll remember me

Oh, I'll be here

When the sun fades from the sky

I'll be here

When tears fall like stars in the night

Pictures

For all the pictures that didn't show through

She was a buddhist, he was a Jew

I wish I could take them again for you

From the prayers, they are dust to dust

All burns brighter from rust to lust

I wish I could take them again for you

So fill yourself with peace and ivy

He a drunkard, she a scholar

A bridesmaid with flowers but never with honor

I wish I could take them again for you

After sailing sepia maps

You crushed my hopes and sang a song

It wont be long, it wont be long

After I finish my lullaby song

I will take them again for you

Run On Sentence

In the middle of a parking lot we're stuck in traffic We're caught up in space and I can't look in your face And even though we are innocent we've broken apart We can't finish we can wish It's like a paper boat that floats away and always melts it always sinks, always sinks Someone always forgets to say that there isn't an easy way out We can try we can try but no it's not a flying matter

A Love Song

We have a love

We want to hold on

You see a beauty

I see no wrong

If your my prince

I'll be your only wish

If your my hope

I'll be your first kiss

If we find peace

There we will find release

If we find love

Together we'll rise above

We are crashing

We feel we come unglued

But in the midst of this chaos

I've learned to hold onto you

Kensington= The Inspiration

Fell in love on a rainy day

I'm still praying for the sun to go away

We smiled at dirty sidewalks

And sang songs to the cars passing by

So on a day like today

Wont you come on by

You know I want to see that face

And on a day like today

Will you look me in the eye

I want to get lost in your eyes so grey

Sunshine, sunshine, go away

My baby needs a place to say

Good times, roll on, like they say

When your love is on it's way

When the broken pieces don't come together

You'll know you left one with me

It's only a matter of time before you see

I'm the reason you sigh when it rains

A Folk Song From The Park

We took a walk in the park

By where we used to live

I know there are memories

But you say you don't remember
You wouldn't even look for that key

For that place we used to call our own
I said you're just afraid
And you walked away

What do we believe now

What do we see now
I see a million stars

Just like I have in the past

What do we see now

What do we believe now
I see a million faces

Just like I always have

We fought so hard for what we thought was true
I don't even remember what it was
But I wont ever let up

On whatever I think now
A plea for acceptance
I still carry my bags of regrets

You offered to shoulder my pride

But couldn't put up with the shame

Crash

Ran out on an empty street

I'm crying, or is that the rain...
City lights, oh so bright, is it day...

I can't think straight

I scream so much, I whisper
Dream so much, I don't know whats real
I'm not asking for the world

I just want to feel

Crash down on me
So I can feel

Just hold me
So I don't fear

Behold me
Try not to breathe
Crash down on me

I think I'm falling apart
I've known that since the day I was born
Pick me up, just lay here, it's okay
I've gotten used to being down

I hold on to the hope of something
It's better than letting go
Release, for free, or a price...
I'll let you know
I'll let you know
I'll let you know

So let go, just let go, I wish that was easy
Just belong, don't be long, I can't wait
I'm confused, so unused, can you take me on
So let go, just let go

A Late Night

the popping lights cast a breaking sigh into the shadowed night
a far cry from anything lonely

keys and pleas' and lovely goodbye's do the trick for the minute

and a new world is created amidst books and treated wood

an uneven grain and dreams of right brains

and left brains and wrong brains
one can't be sure if they still forgive when they're alone with themself

if creativity was magic we'd nearly be flying

This Is What I Want It To Be

Sing me a song about a miner
And I'll tell you a story about his home
Write me a book about the deepest canyon
And I'll take you there to look

I'd like to find something special
In your eyes that sets you apart
While you read my poems that amount to nothing
And find new meaning in them

I hope you remember to buy me flowers
And I'll try to make perfect coffee
I hope we discover a new way to kiss
And that your grandma likes me

You think all day about that movie star
And I'll remember his name by that night
Then lets get up right away and watch his movie
I'll fall asleep in your arms half way through

Lets push a button
That lets us go

Lets tie a knot
That keeps us close

Lets run really fast
Into one another

Lets call eachother home

I Figured Out Love At Less Than Eight

Hello, it's worth a shot
Sent her flat out running

Quick to the line

We agreed to finish
Hello, I'm here again with a well-done smile

Goodbye,

Caught a deadpan silence

And turned it into a never again

Quite a magic trick

But I've never known it to do anything but lose

And one day, 7 years down the road

We'll meet again at a run down truck stop

Where bearded men spend their time like quarters

And we'll say

Hello, where have you been all my life

But we'll know that answer, sort of

Then again, 9 months later

We'll realize the mistake

Though we can't quite put our finger on it

Once a man with a long face

Told me he fell in love close to a hundred times

Seemed like a Goodbye thing

But now I kind of understand

I can do that again

But it wont be whole heartedly

Because a couple pieces are already missing

Hello, it's worth a shot

A Rhyme

Taste the sunshine and seek the twilight

Don't be afraid to understand

Dance in secret and cry with strangers

Don't forget to take my hand

When we reach the front line we will see so clearly

How simple grasps could be so strong

And when they come from shadows, unbroken, unhardened

We can see their heartaches left in pieces behind

A Slow Development about Leaving and Not Wanting To

Seat back

Are you ready to go?

You are down below

I sent all my baggage

To Las Vegas

And I am headed to Mexico

Don't let me leave again

Move once

Don't move at all

Let me take your picture, develop my love again

I'm torn

You're worn out

From trying to put me together

Don't let me leave again

Step Back

Don't make that call

Say I'm not ready, you don't know me at all

I thought

You bought

But now you're selling for ransom

Apologies

Was he there when she said

"Watch how unstable I am"

As she watches him fall

She couldn't catch him at all

She entertains herself

With thoughts of a time when she'll be let down

As she watches him cry

One less four and they've already died

She knows the damage done by her own wings

She cries take them

And break them

And never let them fly

She'll hide her eyes and lay her bricks

That keep heart inside

Never again will he be put to death

By love

Now the hide out of the weak

Is the shelter, that she seeks

Was she the master or the puppet?

She weeps

Oh beautiful

Why do you choose to live convicted

Freedom finds the fighters

And pushes for peace

Space Suit

Far from this planet we sailed

I didn't know you

I tried so hard to stay

And when they asked me about you, I could not say

And I didn't know that you would be waiting casually

And I didn't think that I would fall into the stars

Burst of energy
Are shooting from our eyes

Laughter never came so quickly

As it will now

And you didn't think that I would run so fast

And I didn't think that you would not follow

They said we got lost

In oblivion

We said we are still searching

For earthly things

And they didn't think that we knew what we were doing

And we still think that they weren't that far off

For a Date

So very quickly bring me closer
For I am running out of things to say
Whisper through your eyes of your greatest fears
And I’ll remind you how my smile takes them away

In the simple silence you bring chaos
And it’s the kind I can take my comfort in
In a love struck lullaby you are violence of the sweetest emotion
And it’s a steadfast symphony

I’m still getting used to being your girl
Still trying to relax when you come around
Still trying to figure out, in my dressings of imperfection
You still call me beautiful

All I want is to be someone
Someone to you till never end
I will rest in the peace of your friendship
And dance in the light of our dreams

Clouds

I count in small steps

And we fall apart
Can I carry you?
Can you give me solution?

So far we have three notes
And you planned on a flower

And I thought about a kiss
We havn't gone far from anywhere

So sit back a little further
Let the clouds tell you something new
And let's hope they tell us what to do

You breathe deeper
And I'll move back
We'll agree that we've lost
And take a chance on a 7

But you want to promise
And I wish I could
So I'm putting my chips on red
We got it fifty fifty that way

So sit back a little further
Let the clouds tell you something new
And let's hope they tell us what to do

Small steps weren't cutting
So we decided to leap
I guess thats the easy way
You told me long time ago

I cried for 4 nights
And decided that was the end
No more falling short
I'm winning... you.

Of Music and Such Things

Beautiful Sounds

Fall gold around

Our starving ears

Like simple songs

Lullabys
They do not fade

And once our twice

We'll catch a note

A singing bird

To fall asleep

Secret safe

We do not say

Jr. High Was Tough

Sweetly, you smile a me
You know it's hard for me to look you in the eye

Softly, you speak to me
It seems like so much more but really all you said was hi

I feel like, not over reacting, simply exploding
My heart's overloading

So unfomfertably, fallen for you
I can akwardly say, I love you

Sincerly, my heart

My ramblings....

Monday, February 27, 2006

*Ahem* Tim Hortons

Sunday, February 26, 2006

A: The Movie

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Dear Friend, I'm Too Far.

Friday, February 24, 2006

One Day I Realized Love

Sunday, February 12, 2006

This Is Very Often My Prayer

A Definition of Beauty

Friday, February 10, 2006

This Glass Is Half Empty

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Song For B. (Part 2)

Boy, You Are Afraid but That Doesn't Get You Anywhere

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Heart String

For Muskoka

Dear God

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Those Times When You Stop, and it's Okay

Dear Stevie Wonder

Someone Will be Caught

There's Something Here. Scraps.

I Will Deny This. For All Who Worry, An Exerpt of Grade 9

Hello and Goodbye.

Boy (s)

Hold On Vs. Let Go

Did You Think I Was Beautiful All Along?

All Up In Secrets

Terracotta Tinfoil

I'll Be Here (i.e. Bo's Song, In Saving Myself Your Shame)

Pictures

Run On Sentence

A Love Song

Kensington= The Inspiration

A Folk Song From The Park

Crash

A Late Night

This Is What I Want It To Be

I Figured Out Love At Less Than Eight

A Rhyme

A Slow Development about Leaving and Not Wanting To

Apologies

Space Suit

For a Date

Clouds

Of Music and Such Things

Jr. High Was Tough

About Me

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Ahem Tim Hortons