And from my heart my words spill over...take these for they are all I have
What is this sickness that has crept into my heartIt cries out in mournfull lonliness
With pangs of it's own unhealthy breath
Ragged and disfunctional
It has gone blank once again
Who is this empty eyed one?
Where have I gone?
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Do I even know who I am? Sometimes when I am scared or sad, I wonder if this is a result of my lack of self-awareness. Am I so good at faking it that I AM it? Or am I so sure of who I am that it isn't even something that need cross my mind. Is it supposed to be something I am blatently aware of, and the fact that I am not just proves my lack of self-knowledge? Or is the proof merely not questioning whatsoever?
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How do I feel about who I am today? I feel edgy (on the edge). I have no visable or recognisable insecurities but I am still lonely. I desperately want love. I know this because I get emotional every time I hear about the sweet, deep, boundless love God has for me. The love that has no requirments. No shoes I must fill. Nothing I must be or do or believe. Still it stands. But I don't feel like I can reach out and grab it. I feel thirsty, no, starved for it. I don't want to feel empty and lonely. I know I am close to the door of fulfillment but I just can't enter. Where am I God?
Should I just keep talking?
I want someone to know me, and I think it should be you. I am nervous, doubting, still edgy. I want to feel you. I don't think I am lost, just off track, but even that has created such a despair in me that I can barely comprehend. Where am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to do? Who am I?
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What does my heart entail?
Is it more than I could ever know?
Only hope...
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Die to yourself
To the pleasures of the flesh
Only then will you start to truly participate in the deep joy which only Christ can provide
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I ache Lord
A deep painfull ache
That longs for a deep thorough completion
A healing
A refreshing
A powerfull outflowing of Your Love
I need you Lord
I need you
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"The more I get to know the Lord, the more my heart aches for those who don't know Him"
"Let my heart break for the things that break Your heart"
"It is my drink, my food, my hobby, my aspiration, and all night long I dream about it" (In regards to following a Christ filled life)
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And now, take my selfishness
Take my self-centredness
Take me
I turn my heart towards You
And whatever you should do with it
With my gifts and abilities (all from You)
With my money and resources (all belonging to you)
With my mind, voice, hands, feet, muscles, blood, heart, soul
All For You
What I am? Who I am? Where I go?
These questions
All I find in You
posted by Unknown @ 9:51 PM
1 Comments:
This is exactly how I am feeling now as well. I keep coming back to God asking Him where can I meet with you in a new place that wont crumble and fade away like so many times in my life. Bless your heart Alex, and keep seeking Him. Like Habakkuk at the watch tower challenging God for Him to come, or David crying out to God when his enemies surrounded him while he was on the run for his life, the Lord WILL answer those who seek for His greater purposes. Amen, hold onto the faith in God's providence.
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