My ramblings....

Oh My! Ramble.

I think my body and soul have gained a loneliness frights
And I'm afraid I'm holding on just so I have something to come back to
So, my dear, though you are lovely and strong,
And I'm fairly sure you could make me happy
I want to need you because I can't live without you
Not just need you for needing's sake

I've been thinking about that feeling,
My mother always said "you want to find someone you can't live without"
And I would sit perplexed, wondering if I've ever felt that feeling
And considered that if I wasn't sure, it probably hadn't happened yet

So in a later conversation we spoke of my brother and sisters
And I tossed out dreams of building a family and having children
As an aside she said "I wonder what our life would look like if we had stopped after your brother"
After only seconds of contemplating this idea my heart started to hurt and my brain began to block any further thoughts
These little relatives of mine, I couldn't even imagine life without
It wasn't possible, and any attempt was an aversion to my entire being

This, I I realized, is the love of someone who completes your life
Something I have yet to experience (external to family, of course)
And
I need some time
To clear my head
So it's not just about liking it
It's not about being adored
Not just about having someone to kiss
It's not stability or affection
Or getting along

It's not just those things.
I think I've been jumping the gun.

posted by Unknown @ 9:51 PM