My ramblings....

The Whirlwind of Love (there is loveliness and complete frustration)

Dear God,
Be my cornerstone
And everything that I go off of,
Go for,
Go about...
Everything.
Help me to not settle,
Nor to avoid good intentions,
Help me to trust those who love me.
Affirm me,
Give me peace.
Work through my gut and intuition,
And somehow help me realize your leadings.
Let me see myself as I truly am:
A flawed individual
An incapable being
An infinately loved invalid.
Let me release all these things which don't belong to me
For if I hold on to them, my efforts are menial and faulty,
But if I give them to you to utilize and bless,
Then, oh yes, I have found riches indeed.

Gifts and Strengths
Here.
Dreams
Here.
Money and Objects
Here.
Wants and Desires
Here.
Plans
Here.
Fears and Insecurities
Here.

You know the desires of my heart. You formed me in my mothers womb. You know the intricacies of my being. You knew me before the creation of the earth.
You spark within me my passions and dreams, giving my vigour and hope for what is to come and what may be accomplished.

You stoke this fire of love for all things beautiful, explaining slowly the true meaning of beauty. What is real, what is in your image, what is art, what feels, what breathes, what praises your name without words, what reflects your beauty. What sits beneath the sun and what expands above it. What evolves and recreates, and what withstands the eons of time. What smiles in it's poverty. What aches in it's sorrow. What is lonely, frightened, compassionate, generous, brave, fighting, hating, crying, losing, expecting, and dying.

You leave me thirsty, wanting more. I can't clearly breathe without you. I find myself thinking about you often. More than comfertable. I'm lost when I'm not with you. I AM NOT FILLED. I am uncertain without you. I need to know more about you. I can't find myself without finding you there. I'm confused by you. I'm frightened by you. I am unworthy of you.

I'm discovering that more frequently you are in the place of my wants.

I want love from him...
No, in fact I want love from you.

I need to discover myself...
Actually, I need to discover you.

I love to learn about this earth...
I love to learn about your creation.


I can't escape you, you follow me where I go. Sometimes I try to duck and dodge, but still you sit in the dark corners and hidden hollows.

Sometimes I feel you mean to shame me or make me feel guilty. I think this is wrong. I know you encourage me to learn and work at building our relationship, but I don't think I should feel dogged by guilt. Or maybe I should? I need help with this.

The bottom line is this:
I need your love very very desperately.

I want to make right choices that are pleasing to you, and in issues regarding...well almost everything...I don't know how. I'm frightened and I feel inept.
But I am standing here aren't I?

That's enough right?

posted by Unknown @ 9:24 PM